Thursday, August 1, 2013

Marriage

Listening to the sounds of Mickey Mouse, watching my 2 year old run around the house, waiting on hold with our bank for what seems like forever, I read a blog post titled Going The Distance.  The author is celebrating her 36th wedding anniversary.  In today's day and age of starter marriages and quickie divorces, 36 years may seem like a lifetime. 

I've noticed a trait among successful marriages that I think the author does a good job of touching upon.  People who are happily and successfully married put their spouses first.  They spend the time to make their spouse feel important.  They go out of their way to tell their spouse they love them and they tell them often.  They don't hold grudges.  They learn to hold their tongues and they hold them often.  They praise their spouse.  They are partners in all areas of life. They recognize that loving their spouse and loving them publicly teaches their children how to grow up and have their own happy, successful marriages. 

On the flip side I've noticed a trait among those people who appear to be unhappily married.  They disagree or fight publicly and in front of their children.  They hold grudges.  They give each other the silent treatment.  They don't let go of past mistakes.  They put themselves and their own needs first.  They complain about their spouse to anyone who will listen.  They never praise their spouse.  They treat their spouse like one of their children.

The kind of relationship you have with your spouse directly correlates to the kind of relationship your children grow up to have with their spouses.  It's never too late to change the relationship you have with your spouse.  Each day is a chance to show your spouse how much you love them and cherish them.  Don't let today end without your spouse knowing how important they are in your life.      




Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Affirmations

You would never tell a friend she was fat or he was stupid or that they couldn't do something and yet many people spend a majority of their day telling themselves exactly those kinds of things.  We walk around with all this negative self talk clogging up our heads.  If we wouldn't tell our friends those things, then why is it acceptable to say them to ourselves?

It shouldn't be acceptable.  Negative self talk can hold us back in life and keep us from pursuing the kind of life we truly want to lead.

Positive affirmations can turn that around.  It may sound silly, but standing in front of the mirror several times a day and repeating positive affirmations out loud can combat that negative self talk.

Write down 3 to 5 positive affirmations and tape them up on your mirror so that you see them as you get ready for work and bed.  Say them out loud as you look at yourself in the mirror.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

I am smart.

I am kind.

I can be anything I want to be.

I am worthy of love.

What affirmations will you use?  What kind of person could you be without negative self talk clogging up your head?  Serenity Counseling Online wants to know.  Comment on this post on our Facebook page

Saturday, July 13, 2013

If I Loved You

You don't get married expecting to get divorced.  When you are young and in love you can't even imagine the fairytale ending...unless you go into marriage knowing you are marrying the wrong person.  

My first husband is a good person.  He was a good husband.  He would've been a good father.  There was nothing wrong.  

Except that there was.  

I know that he didn't understand what the wrong was.  If I had been a stronger person I would've called off the wedding.  I wasn't at that time in my life.  I knew what a good person he was and I thought that the love would come.  

I went to counseling.  I cried.  I rebelled and basically acted like a teenager.  At 25 years old I wanted to go out with my friends.  I wasn't ready to be married.  He was.  

The more he tried to connect with me, to be the person he thought I wanted, the worse I acted.  I drank too much, I cried too much, I was mean, I hated myself.  

For a long time I blamed myself.  

Delta Rae's song If I Loved You is the music to what I went through and wish I could've voiced during my first marriage.  If I had those words then maybe he would've understood.  

It is better to hurt someone you care about then to spend years with the wrong person.  

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Weight Loss After Baby

I just had a baby 3 weeks ago.  I didn't work out during my pregnancy and my body has lost muscle tone.  My stomach is flabby and covered in stretch marks.  I've been eating like my only job in life is to consume sugar and fat and as a result my toddler has not been eating as good as she should be.  I don't want to be an overweight mom with overweight kids.  I want my kids to be healthy.

Last night I had an epiphany.  I only had a baby 3 weeks ago.  I can't work out yet.  I don't have to hate myself or talk negatively to myself or feel bad about myself.

But (and this is a big but)...

I can make better food choices.  I can be kind to myself.  I can eat fruit for breakfast and stop eating cookies every night after dinner and eat more vegetables and stop buying junk food.

And (and this is a big and)...

I have been eating more fruit and vegetables and not eating cookies after dinner and, although I haven't given up my Starbucks, I have been using less sugar in my coffee and I have been practicing portion control and I have been kinder to myself.

I've found in doing these small things that I feel good and that makes it easier to say no to that cookie.

What changes are you making to lead a healthier lifestyle?

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Post Partum Anxiety/Depression

According to the Center for Disease Control 2008 PRAM report approximately 15% of post partum women will experience post partum depression, post partum anxiety/OCD, and post partum psychosis.  Given that there are approximately 6.4 million clinically recognized pregnancies each year that means approximately 950,000 women will experience some form of PPD.

How many women experiencing some form of PPD don't ask for help?  After the birth of my first daughter it took me more than a month to recognize that what I was feeling wasn't normal.  Only after talking to a close friend who had gone through PPD did I contact my doctor for help and I was so glad that I did.  She put me on a low dose of Zoloft, which we increased when my husband deployed, and I stayed on it until my daughter was about 10 1/2 months old.

With the recent birth of my second daughter, I didn't want to take any chances.  I know that there is a greater risk of experiencing PPD a second time as well as the added stress of having a second child.  I spoke with my doctor before my daughter's birth and she started me on Zoloft right in the hospital.

Are anti-depressants fast acting?  Not really.  You have to wait for a therapeutic dose to build up in your system; however, each day I start to feel a little better.  This time there hasn't been the uncontrolled crying that I experienced the first time.  My anxiety occurs only in specific situations such as when the baby is in the carseat and I have to check constantly to make sure she is breathing.  Although there are times when I just plain feel anxious.  My heart races, my chest feels tight, and I just feel uncomfortable and restless.  For myself, I try to remain calm, talk myself through it, and wait for it to pass because it does pass.  Eventually.

PPD is more than the baby blues.  According to WebMD, baby blues are " A certain amount of insomnia, irritability, tears, overwhelmed feelings, and mood swings are normal during the first days after childbirth. These "baby blues" usually peak around the fourth postpartum day and subside in less than 2 weeks, when hormonal changes have settled down. If you have postpartum blues after childbirth, you're not alone-more than half of women have temporary mildsymptoms of depression mixed with feelings of happiness after having a baby." 

While PPD, "Symptoms of postpartum depression can follow postpartum blues. They can feel like more of the same or can feel worse than before. Postpartum depression can also happen months after childbirth or pregnancy loss. In some cases, symptoms peak after slowly building for 3 or 4 months. Possible PPD symptoms require evaluation by a doctor.
If you have postpartum depression, you have had five or more depressive symptoms (including one of the first two listed below) for most of the past 2 weeks, including:1,2
  • Depressed mood-tearfulness, hopelessness, and feeling empty inside, with or without severe anxiety.
  • Loss of pleasure in either all or almost all of your daily activities.
  • Appetite and weight change-usually a drop in appetite and weight but sometimes the opposite.
  • Sleep problems-usually trouble with sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping.
  • Noticeable change in how you walk and talk-usually restlessness, but sometimes sluggishness.
  • Extreme fatigue or loss of energy.
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, with no reasonable cause.
  • Difficulty concentrating and making decisions.
  • Thoughts about death or suicide. Some women with PPD have fleeting, frightening thoughts of harming their babies. These thoughts tend to be fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm."

If you or someone you know is experiencing PPD please reach out to your primary care physician, OB/GYN, or someone you trust for help.  Having a baby is stressful enough without feeling your best emotionally and mentally.  

Serenity Counseling Online is also available to help support new parents manage feelings of anxiety and stress.  Contact us now for more information.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

How to Say Goodbye to a Pet

Yesterday we had to take our 13 year old chihuahua Beast to the vet. I had gotten Beast from a breeder when he was a puppy. He was my baby before I had babies. 

Over breakfast we joked about getting Beast a tiny oxygen mask and tiny oxygen tank. We didn't know what was wrong with him, other than a hacking cough, but given his age I already had decided that we wouldn't go crazy with expensive treatments. 

We got to the vet and he examined both our dogs (our boxer has had some stomach issues). He heard Beast cough and initially thought maybe pneumonia, but after listening to his heart and lungs thought congestive heart failure. He wanted to do X-rays and we agreed. 

The tech said it would take awhile. It was 1:18 so we could go run an errand and be back at 2. We left to run errands. I didn't say goodbye. 

When we returned I ran inside to pick up the dogs and pay. The woman at the front desk led me back into an examining room and I knew something was wrong. I thought maybe the vet was going to say he suspected cancer. He came in and said how sorry he was, that Beast had died during the X-ray, that they had tried to revive him, but weren't successful. He thought that Beast had a heart attack or blood clot. My hands covered my mouth in shock as I started to cry. 

He asked if I wanted to see him and brought me in back. Beast was wrapped in a blanket. He looked relaxed, peaceful. We talked about cremation as I pet his head and cried. 

I paid and the tech helped me outside. my husband saw me coming with just Sasha and got out of the car. The tech told him. 

We got back to the hotel and my daughter kept saying, "Where's Beasty? Where's my Beasty?" She ran all over the hotel room looking for him. We explained that he was in heaven and she asked if heaven was fun. We said very. 

This morning she woke up and asked, "Where's Beast?" We told her heaven. 

Saying goodbye to an old friend is never easy. I can only remember all the times I've been impatient with him over the last 2 years. I know I gave Beast a good life. I wish I had treated him better since we had our daughter. Dogs don't ask for babies to come along. I need to remember that a pet only asks for our love. 

Telling your children their beloved pet is gone requires patience and repetition. Our daughter is too young to understand and that's okay.  Although hearing her ask where Beast is breaks my heart, I know that it's my job as the parent to tell her.  It's also okay that she sees me cry and knows that I miss Beast.  She is learning empathy.  It's okay to grieve the loss of a pet.  They are family.  As hard as it can be to let them go, sometimes you have to.  We decided to have Beast cremated and will scatter his ashes somewhere close to us.  The vet's office is also making a paw print for us.  Other pets I've lost I've buried in the yard and planted flowers.  Decide what is meaningful for your family and what works best for your situation.  Teaching your children have to grieve in a healthy manner is an important part of life.  Holding on to your grief, not dealing with loss is never healthy.     

RIP Beast. Mommy loves you.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Tragedy in Boston

As we watch the news tonight and hear the stories unfold of today's tragedy in Boston, let us not forget that we are resilient.  Let us use this tragedy to keep our own lives in perspective and to remain ever grateful for the blessings in our lives.

We can continue to move towards a better future, we can work to promote peace and hope in our lifetimes.

If you find yourself struggling, reach out to someone and let them know you need help.  There's no shame in asking for help.

Let us keep each other, and the people of Boston, in our prayers.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Toddlers

My toddler just had a meltdown.  I'm talking sitting on the floor, crying hysterically, inconsolable because we were outside, she wasn't listening, and I made her come inside.  I could feel myself getting frustrated with her so I took a deep breath and picked her up and we went and sat on the couch until she calmed down.  I spoke softly to her while she cried, encouraged her to stop crying, and tell me what was wrong.  She was calm within a few minutes because I was calm.  I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent.  I am far from it, but I do try to improve my parenting skills every day and be a better today than I was yesterday.

The thing is toddlers don't have the language skills or the emotional understanding to express what they are feeling verbally.  Yes, I believe my toddler was mad, but she doesn't have the words to tell me she was mad that she had to come inside.  She also doesn't have the language skills to necessarily understand why we had to come inside.  She was expressing her frustration the only way she knew how...by crying and pitching a fit.

In moments like these try to put yourself in your toddlers place.  Physically get down on their level.  Sit with them, hold them, talk to them calmly.  Help your toddler learn how to express themselves by letting them know it's okay to tell you when they are mad/sad/frustrated/happy/etc.  Encourage your toddler to stop crying and talk to you as much as they are able at this young age.

If you need a time out then take a time out.  It's better to remove yourself from the situation or ask a trusted friend or family member to hang out with your child for a few minutes while you calm down than it is to take your frustrations out on your child.  Never discipline your child when you are angry or take your frustrations out on your child.  Remember your child isn't doing anything wrong...they are acting like a toddler, learning self expression.  You have a choice to maintain control and be patient with your child.  You have the ability to maintain control and demonstrate patience.

Parenting is hard.  It's a lot of work.  It takes a lot of patience.  Your child needs and deserves an amazing parent.  That doesn't mean being a perfect parent, but rather it means that you actively work on your parenting skills.  We all need help and advice from time to time.

Serenity Counseling Online is here to help.  Whether you are looking to strengthen your parenting skills, need someone to talk to about parenting, or have questions on how to work with your particular child don't hesitate to contact us.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Living up to Standards

Someone texted me to share that they had won an award at work and were nervous that they wouldn't be able to live up to the standard of the award.  This person asked for some tips in working through this issue.  My response is as follows:

Congratulations on your award!  That's a great achievement and I'm not sure why you feel like you can't live up to the standards of the award.  By virtue of getting the award you've already proven that you ARE already living up to the standards.  I think that is the biggest piece of working through lack of confidence.  You ARE ALREADY DOING IT!  They wouldn't have nominated and chosen you if you weren't.  

Lacking confidence is something you can change.  The first step is to fake it until you make it.  Often by faking confidence it becomes ingrained in you and before you know it you are confident.   

The second step is to get outside your comfort zone whenever possible.  By putting yourself in situations that challenge you then you allow yourself to grow as a person.  Whether it's accepting a promotion, moving to a new shift, moving your relationship forward to the next level, or doing something that frightens you don't allow yourself to accept the status quo.  If you always take the easy/known/familiar path then before you know it your life will have passed you by.  

The third step is to believe in yourself.  If you don't believe in your abilities then how can you expect other people to believe in you?  

Fourth, be kind to yourself.  If you wouldn't say the things you tell yourself (doubts, etc) to your best friend then DON"T say them to yourself.  We can be our own worst critic when it's clear that others in our lives don't think about us that way.  

And finally, know that whatever expectation is being asked of you by virtue of this award is something you are already living.  And it sounds like the only expectation is something you are projecting onto yourself.  Let that go.  You got this!


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Dealing with Change

In a late night text conversation with a dear friend last night we started to talk about all the changes we were about to face...both pregnant, both have toddlers, both about to do a military move with newborns...as you can imagine there are a lot of unknowns and uncertainties we are facing.  It's easy to get caught up in the fear of the unknown.  Change is scary!  Regardless of if you are a military family or someone who has lived in the same town your whole life we all face new environments with a certain amount of trepidation.

So, how do we face change without fear?

1)  Acceptance.  We all know that life can change at any point in time.  Whether it's a new relationship, new job, new home, pregnancy, death, there are many unknown variables.  Living in fear of those unknown variables will keep you in a constant state of stress.  If you can learn to accept that it's okay for life to change and that life really is like a moving river, flowing over rocks, changing shorelines, and fallen trees while we are just leaves floating down that river then it's easier to accept the unknown.

2)  Embrace the chaos.  I think there are two types of people in life.  Those who embrace an orderly life and those who embrace chaos.  I know my life is never orderly.  I wish I was more organized, but I'm not.  Instead I've learned that it's okay to embrace the chaos.  My life isn't perfect and it doesn't have to be because I know everything will work out in the end.  And if my house is a hot mess, but my daughter is happy and healthy then life is good.

3)  What's the worst that could happen?  Ask yourself and then be okay with the answer.  For example, say you're facing a move to a new city.  What's the worst that could happen?  Well, it might be hard to meet people, you might not like your new job.  Before you get there use the internet to explore new ways to get involved in your new town.  Whether it's using sites like meetup.com or joining a mom's group or a cooking class, force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and get involved in new things.  Make a plan for how you are going to face various scenarios of this change.  

4)  See change as an opportunity.  This is your chance to renew, repurpose, redecorate.  Be the person you want to be.  Whether it's using this new opportunity to exercise, shop locally, go to farmer's markets, buy some new couch cushions do the things you wouldn't have done if change wasn't forcing you into something new.  Moving to a new area?  What a great time to explore a new region of the country!  Going through a divorce?  What a great time to take an exotic trip by yourself!  Don't let your fear hold you back.

5)  Be kind to yourself.  Don't be harsh or judge yourself for being afraid.  The kinder you can be to yourself right now as you face your fear the easier it will be to move through that fear.  Constantly judging yourself for being nervous is like treating your best friend like crap.  You just wouldn't do it to your best friend, so don't do it to yourself!

And above all else don't be ashamed to ask for help.  Rely on family, friends, or a therapist to help you cope with whatever you are going through right now.  If you don't ask for help, others won't know you need a hand right now.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Suicide is Not the Answer

My husband and I drove back yesterday from Virginia to Massachusetts.  During our drive we crossed the Deleware Memorial Bridge and noticed several police cars with lights and sirens on going by us.  They stopped at a car parked in the left lane of the bridge, where the cables that support the suspension bridge are anchored, about a 150 foot drop to the river below.  There was no one in the car.  Someone had jumped off the bridge.

There was not time for anyone to intervene and the woman's body was retrieved about thirty minutes after she jumped.  She was 53 years old. 

There may be times when life seems bleak and overwhelming, but suicide is not the answer.  It is a short term solution that leaves your family and friends behind to pick up the pieces.  And although the temptation to end your life may sometimes seem like the answer there is always a better option. 

It is approaching the 1 year anniversary of a friend's suicide.  How many times do I wish he had made a different choice?  Let's just say that if I had a nickle for each time I had that thought I'd be a millionaire.  He had so much to give and yet the world will never know it, he will never know it.  His life is over.  His choices are over. 

If you are thinking about suicide then I urge you to get helpThe National Suicide Prevention Lifelife is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-273-8255.  Their website states, "If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness." 

Please call.  Your life is worth it. 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Keeping the Home Fires Burning

It's easy to get bogged down in the day to day stuff that comes our way.  So easy that we often let our romantic relationships take a backseat to what is happening in the news, what tv show is on tonight, or who said what on Facebook.  When we do that our romantic relationships suffer and we can feel disconnected from our partner/spouse. 

Here are 10 tips to reignite those home fires and bring some romance back into your relationship. 

Doc Barton's Top 10 Tips to Re-Ignite Romance

"Keeping romance alive is sometimes a challenge for couples
Keeping romance alive is sometimes a challenge for couples. Here are my top ten tips for adding some fuel to your romantic fires.
  1. Act romantic and you'll feel romantic. Play the part by setting the scene with candlelight and soft music, softer words, lingerie and great smells. This creates a fanciful mood for both of you and romance will be unavoidable.
  2. Make your bedroom a romantic hideaway. Get some silk sheets, some soft lights and if you don't have a lock on your bedroom door - get one. Having a place to go when the feelings come over you is important to keep romance alive.
  3. Talk about sex. Give your partner a call in the middle of the day and tell them you can't wait to make love to them. Drop little sexual innuendoes and don't be afraid to ask them what it is they like or tell them what you like. Conversations about love may be one of the most under rated aphrodisiacs.
  4. Indulge your fantasy. Share your secret romantic fantasy with your partner and ask them to tell you theirs. Then make plans to play them out. Just the anticipation will add to your romance and the gift of giving each other what you desire will be something that you will never forget.
  5. Have a date night at least once a week. This may the most important and most disregarded rule of romance. Keeping a date night with your partner is something that both of you can look forward to all week long. It is your special time together away from work, kids and all the stresses of life. Not only will it enhance your romantic life; it will help you both live longer.
  6. Be creative. Relive you first date, kidnap your partner for a weekend getaway, have chocolate covered strawberries and champagne in bed, serenade your partner (or just lip-sync to a Josh Grobin or Jessica Simpson song). There are so many different ways to be romantic, just go with your ideas (or buy a book to get some) it's really hard to do it wrong.
  7. Kiss often. Couples who kiss every day make love more than those who don't. One of the sexiest things you can do with your partner is to just spend a night making-out and cuddling. Deep, romantic kissing is something that many couples forget to do after they have been together for a while. It's more important to romance than you think. If you ask most women what they would like more of in their romantic lives they will tell you it's kissing, and men who are great kissers never want for love making.
  8. Let go. Give your partner total control in the romance department every once in a while. It's surprising how they will surprise you if they can give to you in any way they want. There is also something freeing about giving up control. Just say to the one you love, "Honey, I'm all yours, do with me what you will."
  9. Complement each other. Everyone wants to know they're desirable and we all wonder if our partners still find us sexy after a few years have gone by. Just telling someone how great he or she looks when you're in bed isn't enough. Compliments should take placed throughout the day. This way, when it's bedtime, your partner will already feel desired and you will reap the benefits.
  10. Think about sex. We all think about sex, but sometimes we forget to put our partner in the picture with us. Next time your mind wanders in that direction be sure to focus on being with the person you love. These thoughts will create a deeper connection and both of you will not only feel more romantic, you will also feel emotionally closer.
We all admire couples who seem to have found the secret of keeping their romantic fires burning, yet most people just don’t take the time to go there. There are many ways to re-light the romantic torch, it make take a little energy, and you may feel a little uncomfortable at first, but the tips above are some of the best (and most fun) ways to keep this very important part of your relationship sizzling."

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Relationships & Domestic Violence

When you are young everything revolves around relationships...your relationship with your family, your relationships with your friends and peers, and your romantic relationships.  As we age and grow into who we are as people it is natural for the focus to be less on relationships with others and more on the relationship we have with ourselves; however, even as adults that often isn't the case. 

In our society we put a lot of emphasis on romantic love.  We watch romantic comedies, we read romance novels, and we expect love to sweep us off our feet and sometimes it does.  But what happens when we find out during our relationship that the love we thought we had is accompanied by violence? 

According to Domestic Violence Statistics every 9 seconds in the US a woman is beaten or assaulted and 1 in every 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused during her lifetime. 

It is scary to me, even more so now that I have daughters, how so many women end up in situations beyond their control.  Being abused doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you less of a person, it just means that someone you trusted has abused that trust.  Smart women, powerful women, anyone can fall victim to domestic violence. 

As a parent, we owe it to our children to try to safely remove ourselves and them from situations of violence.  Men who grow up witnessing domestic violence are twice as likely to become abusers and woman who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to pick men who will abuse them. 

YOU are the example of how someone should be treated and how to treat a partner in a relationship.  YOU determine what course your children will be set upon, what path they will travel. 

If you are in a relationship that is violent, and remember violence is not just physical but also mental and emotional, then seek help when you are able.  Seek out local resources in your area such as the Domestic Abuse Shelter.  The most dangerous time for a woman in a violent relationship is when she tries to leave.  It is scary, but there are people who can help.    

The Hotline is a national domestic violence help line.  Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  When you click on the link it shows you how to do a quick escape in case someone walks in while you are on their site and it will take you to an unrated site.  Please protect yourself and your children.  Your life depends on it. 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Physical Health and Wellness

Americans are obese.  As much as we might like to think otherwise we are a culture of fast food and sedentary lifestyles.  I am no exception.  I have struggled my whole life to be healthy.  I am not the person who wakes up craving fruits and vegetables.  I wish I was.  I crave sugar and bagels and coffee from Starbucks.

I realize though that, as a parent, it is my job to set a good example for my children.  The only way they are going to grow up eating healthy and living healthy lifestyles is if I set that example for them, if we make exercise and healthy eating a part of our daily lives.

You don't have to go out and run a marathon tomorrow.  You can start small.  Prior to this pregnancy I had gotten into a good routine of attending Stroller Strides 2 days per week and going to the gym 3 days per week.  I was proud of myself!  I felt good working out and although my eating habits still needed a lot of work I felt I was taking the right steps towards a healthier me.  Since I can't work out right now I find that I actually miss it.  I'm looking forward to working out again after this baby is born.

Food is a much more challenging issue for me.  I love to eat!  I am focusing now on adding fruits and vegetables into our daily lives.  I don't think you need to restrict yourself or cut out carbs or only eat meats or whatever other fad diets people go on.  I think diet is a bad word.  I think you have to learn to eat real foods and cut out processed foods.

Does my daughter know what a McDonald's Happy Meal is?  Unfortunately yes.  Does she ask for them?  No.  I used to never eat fast food and I am hoping to get to that point again.  I want to eat real food.

Let's take this challenge together.  Share in the comments section either here or on Facebook what your health goals are.  Let's get healthy together!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Adjusting to Military Life

A good friend of mine has become seriously involved with a sailor over the past year.  She lives in Florida and he's stationed in VA.  My husband is also in the military and we also lived apart when we first met. 

If you didn't grow up as a military child then adjusting to military life can be difficult as my friend is discovering.  I went through it, too.  It's different from civilian life in almost every way and it can be frustrating trying to adjust your civilian beliefs to fit the beliefs and mores of military life. 

Although in some ways the life of a soldier is similar to the life of a civil servant or high powered business man (they both may work long hours or weird shifts, have to travel for work, etc).  Your spouse is told when and where to travel (or TDY) for work, when and where to move, how to dress, and who to be friends with (no fraternization between officers and enlisted).  And lucky you gets dragged along for the ride. 

There are still times when I get frustrated by my husband's job, usually when he's forced to work late or on weekends.  In order to adjust to military life you have to adjust your mindset.  If you try to hold on to the way things were in your old life then you'll spend your life as a military spouse feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.  Let go of your old beliefs.  Realize that the reason you get a medal when your spouse retires is because you have also sacrificed.  Be proud of the part you play.  Be proud of your spouse!

Here are some tips that may help:

1)  Life is an adventure and being in the military may be one of the biggest adventures at all!  I embrace moving every 3 years.  I love meeting new people, seeing new places, experiencing different things.  Of course the fact that the military will pack your stuff up, move it, and unpack it is an added bonus!

2)  My child will be resilient because of her life in the military.  She will learn to make new friends, adjust, be self sufficient, learn to let go. 

3)  Saying goodbye is a part of life.  Learning to say goodbye with grace and dignity will serve you well.  And while it's hard, the flip side is as you say goodbye to friends and family in one location, you are also saying hello to new friends and military family in your new location. 

4)  It's okay to cry.  Change is hard.  If it wasn't easy then we wouldn't grow through it.  Give yourself permission to cry as needed, but don't spend your days crying.  When I need a cry I usually put a time limit on it (5 or 10 minutes) so that I don't spend the day wallowing in self pity.  When your crying time is up, force yourself to get up and get moving. 

5)  Military life is hard.  It will make or break your relationship.  In the first 2 years of marriage my husband and I moved twice, had a miscarriage, had a baby, and he deployed.  Holy stress!  But every stage of life comes with its own unique challenges.  We choose to embrace chaos.  To try to fight against it is madness.  You can't control the things that happen around you, but you can control how you react to those situations. 

Life is too short to live negatively.  Enjoy the blessings you've been given and the friends you make along the way!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

An Excercise for Managing Anxiety

We've all experienced anxiety in some form.  The racing heart, the fast breathing, a sense of being extremely overwhelmed by the situation, restlessness...anxiety can come in many forms.  There are things you can learn to help you manage anxiety before it starts and there are things you can learn to help you calm down when you're feeling anxious. 

One of my favorite techniques is also one of the simplest.  When I am feeling anxious I make lists.  My anxiety usually comes at night and usually has to do with some imagined tragedy involving my children.  Instead of laying in bed with my heart racing I pick a topic (vegetables, a specific color, things that have to do with summer, food...any topic you want) and I go through the alphabet listing something related to that topic for each letter. 

For example, let's say your topic is food. 

Apples
Bananas
Crepes
Deviled eggs
Eggs
Etc.

You keep listing until you get to Z.  And if you're still feeling anxious then you start over at A.  I find that, for myself, usually by the middle of the alphabet my mind has relaxed, my breathing has slowed, and I have calmed down.  If not, I pick another topic and keep going.  The beauty of this exercise is that it forces your mind to think of something other than what you are feeling anxious about and you can do it anywhere.

What's your favorite technique for dealing with anxiety?

Monday, February 4, 2013

Guided Meditation for Stress Management

Stress and anxiety all too often seem to be an accepted part of our daily lives.  We rush around, trying to fit in time for family and friends, and the whole time we are thinking about work or what we need to do tomorrow or next week or next month.  It's hard to live in the present, to be focused on this moment.  I am always amazed when I go out to dinner how many families I see who are sitting together at dinner and yet are all focused on their iPhones or iPads or video games.  What happened to spending time together as a family, to having a conversation over dinner, to enjoying the time you have with family and friends? 

You can learn to live in the moment.  You can become more present in your daily life instead of always looking ahead.  One way to do that is through guided meditation.  Many people when they hear the words meditation envision monks sitting around a room, in silence, without moving for hours at a time.  That's not reality for most of us.  The majority of people will find sitting still, in silence, for 5 minutes overwhelming at first.  That's okay.  Like anything in life meditation takes practice. 

Start with carving out 2 minutes of meditation time for yourself.  Slowly increase the amount of time over the course of a couple days or a week.  Although you may never find an hour a day to meditate, even spending 10-20 minutes daily or every other day will help you lower your stress and improve the quality of your life.

2 Minute Guided Meditation to Release Stress

Guided Meditations

Follow us on Facebook and let us know how your meditation practice is progressing.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Happiness

True happiness in life is found always within.--Open Your Mind, Open Your Life

People spend a large amount of time searching for happiness.  If I can just get this new job, promotion, relationship, more, more, more and then when they attain those things they find that they still aren't happy. 

It can be a challenging life lesson to learn that happiness isn't acquired by obtaining material goods, by elevating your social status, or in a new relationship.  Happiness isn't something that occurs outside of yourself.  It's something that is inside. 

One way we can work on finding true happiness is by practicing gratitude.  Gratitude is defined as the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.  There are many ways people practice gratitude.  Some people keep a journal, some simply acknowledge the blessings in their lives.  Whatever way you choose to practice gratitude make it a priority.  Embrace the blessings in your life...the people, a roof over your head, food in your belly, a family, friends, a job.  Even if you hate your job be grateful that you have a job.  Even if you are stuck eating Ramon noodles, be grateful for those noodles.    That shift in thinking can shift your entire outlook on life.  Recognize that there will always be people better off than you and, on the flip side, there will always be people far worse off than you.  Be grateful for your place in this life. 

You can't find happiness by searching for it.  You have to let it envelope you, to well up from inside you, to bubble and percolate.  Eventually that happiness can't be contained and it permeates every aspect of your life.  The world as you know it will be changed forever. 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Small Business Advantage Plan

Serenity Counseling Online wants to help you help your employees.  It can be hard to provide comprehensive health insurance when  you own a small or medium sized business.  Often that coverage doesn't include mental health; however, loss of productivity and man hours due to mental health issues and stress can cripple your business.  This is why Serenity Counseling Online offers several low cost, high return Small Business Advantage Plans to help you provide the needed support to your employees. All sessions (phone, Skype, real time chat, or 1 email exchange equals 1 session) are confidential to provide your employees with the peace of mind required for them to seek assistance. Pick one of our simple plans or contact us to customize one to fit the needs of your business.




Plan A:
  • Cost per year $150
  • Includes ten free 30 minute sessions for any employee's first time use during a 12 month period
  • Follow up sessions receive a 50% discount at the employee's expense
  • If all 10 sessions are used prior to the 12 months ending we'll contact the employer regarding purchasing additional sessions
Plan B:
  • Cost per month: $5 per employee (option to be paid by the employer or employee)
  • Includes up to one free 30 minute session per month per employee
  • Follow up sessions receive a 50% discount at the employee's expense
Plan C:
  • Cost per month: $10 per employee (option to be paid by the employer or employee)
  • Includes up to one free 30 minute session per month for each employee and their immediate family members
  • Follow up sessions receive a 50% discount at the employee's expense
Plan D:
  • Customized plan to fit your company's needs. Contact us for details and options.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  • Your business will provide Serenity Counseling Online with a list of employees and family members that are covered under the Small Business Advantage Plan.
  • Coverage payments are billed quarterly (except Plan A).
  • At your request the total number of sessions used by all employees can be provided to verify usage while maintaining confidentiality.
  • Your business will receive a confirmation receipt of payment, the coverage dates, and a list of the employees and family members who are covered.
  • At this point coverage begins and services may be accessed by members 24 hours a day, 7 days per week. Appointments are scheduled at your employee's convenience, including nights and weekends.

 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Online Group Counseling

Serenity Counseling Online is now offering online group counseling.  How can online group counseling be beneficial for you?  At times it can be difficult to find the time or energy to attend a therapy group.  Often we can become overwhelmed with all the world is throwing at us that trying to add one more activity seems next to impossible.  That is when we need the support of a group the most.  Committing to an online therapeutic group can help you connect to other individuals who are experiencing similar life circumstances from the comfort of your own home while working with a licensed therapist.

Listed below are the groups that Serenity Counseling Online is now offering. 

Women’s Group
Join us as we discuss issues pertinent to women. Whether you are struggling in your relationships (romantic, friendship, or otherwise); trying to make sense out of parenting a toddler, teen, or in between; or are just looking for support this group will have something to offer for you. This group is only available for 9 women per session and will be conducted through Google chat. Assistance using Google chat is available prior to the first group session.
You also receive unlimited email support during the 8 week session.
Saturdays 9am-10am, starts Feb. 2, 2013
8 week sessions
$200 (receive a 10% discount if paid in full prior to first session or make 2 payments of $100 each)
Spouses of Deployed Military
Having experienced a deployment of my spouse, I can understand the stress and anxiety that occur while your spouse is serving overseas. Join us as we talk about the trials and tribulations of being the spouse at home during a deployment as well as how to keep your relationship strong. A follow up drop in group will be available for people as their spouses return home for as needed support. This group is only available for 9 people per session and will be conducted through Google chat. Assistance using Google chat is available prior to the first group session.
You also receive unlimited email support during the 6 week session.
Sundays 8pm-9pm, drop in session 9pm-9:45pm, starts Feb. 3, 2013
6 week sessions
$150 (receive a 10% discount if paid in full prior to the first session or make 2 payments of $75 each) for the group, $20 per drop in session
Overcoming Food Addiction, Obesity, & Weight Issues
Food addiction is a real and often ignored issue. According to Obesity in America and the CDC more than 1/3 of adult Americans are obese and approximately 17% of children ages 2-19 are obese. That is 12.5 million children in the US. If we are to stop this epidemic of obesity in our child we first need to look at ourselves. If you are struggling to lose weight and looking for a supportive online environment, join us as we discuss what it means to be overweight in today’s society, how to educate ourselves regarding making better food choices, and how to be kind to ourselves. This is a therapeutic support group. This group is only available for 9 people per session and will be conducted through Google chat. Assistance using Google chat is available prior to the first group session.
You also receive unlimited email support during the 8 session.
Thursdays 8pm-9pm, starts Feb. 7, 2013
8 week session
$200 (receive a 10% discount if paid in full prior to the first session or make 2 payments of $100 each)
Coping with Divorce
Are you newly divorced and learning to cope with your new reality? Join us as we discuss what it mean to be divorced, how to cope with divorce, how to co-parent, as well as any other issues that are pertinent. This is a therapeutic support group. This group will be available to a maximum of 9 people per session and will be conducted through Google chat. Assistance using Google chat is available prior to the first group session.
You also receive unlimited email support during the 8 week session.
Tuesdays 8pm-9pm, starts Feb. 5, 2013
8 week session
$200 (receive a 10% discount if paid in full prior to first session or make 2 payments of $100 each)