My first husband is a good person. He was a good husband. He would've been a good father. There was nothing wrong.
Except that there was.
I know that he didn't understand what the wrong was. If I had been a stronger person I would've called off the wedding. I wasn't at that time in my life. I knew what a good person he was and I thought that the love would come.
I went to counseling. I cried. I rebelled and basically acted like a teenager. At 25 years old I wanted to go out with my friends. I wasn't ready to be married. He was.
The more he tried to connect with me, to be the person he thought I wanted, the worse I acted. I drank too much, I cried too much, I was mean, I hated myself.
For a long time I blamed myself.
Delta Rae's song If I Loved You is the music to what I went through and wish I could've voiced during my first marriage. If I had those words then maybe he would've understood.
It is better to hurt someone you care about then to spend years with the wrong person.