Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Relationships & Domestic Violence

When you are young everything revolves around relationships...your relationship with your family, your relationships with your friends and peers, and your romantic relationships.  As we age and grow into who we are as people it is natural for the focus to be less on relationships with others and more on the relationship we have with ourselves; however, even as adults that often isn't the case. 

In our society we put a lot of emphasis on romantic love.  We watch romantic comedies, we read romance novels, and we expect love to sweep us off our feet and sometimes it does.  But what happens when we find out during our relationship that the love we thought we had is accompanied by violence? 

According to Domestic Violence Statistics every 9 seconds in the US a woman is beaten or assaulted and 1 in every 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused during her lifetime. 

It is scary to me, even more so now that I have daughters, how so many women end up in situations beyond their control.  Being abused doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you less of a person, it just means that someone you trusted has abused that trust.  Smart women, powerful women, anyone can fall victim to domestic violence. 

As a parent, we owe it to our children to try to safely remove ourselves and them from situations of violence.  Men who grow up witnessing domestic violence are twice as likely to become abusers and woman who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to pick men who will abuse them. 

YOU are the example of how someone should be treated and how to treat a partner in a relationship.  YOU determine what course your children will be set upon, what path they will travel. 

If you are in a relationship that is violent, and remember violence is not just physical but also mental and emotional, then seek help when you are able.  Seek out local resources in your area such as the Domestic Abuse Shelter.  The most dangerous time for a woman in a violent relationship is when she tries to leave.  It is scary, but there are people who can help.    

The Hotline is a national domestic violence help line.  Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  When you click on the link it shows you how to do a quick escape in case someone walks in while you are on their site and it will take you to an unrated site.  Please protect yourself and your children.  Your life depends on it. 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Physical Health and Wellness

Americans are obese.  As much as we might like to think otherwise we are a culture of fast food and sedentary lifestyles.  I am no exception.  I have struggled my whole life to be healthy.  I am not the person who wakes up craving fruits and vegetables.  I wish I was.  I crave sugar and bagels and coffee from Starbucks.

I realize though that, as a parent, it is my job to set a good example for my children.  The only way they are going to grow up eating healthy and living healthy lifestyles is if I set that example for them, if we make exercise and healthy eating a part of our daily lives.

You don't have to go out and run a marathon tomorrow.  You can start small.  Prior to this pregnancy I had gotten into a good routine of attending Stroller Strides 2 days per week and going to the gym 3 days per week.  I was proud of myself!  I felt good working out and although my eating habits still needed a lot of work I felt I was taking the right steps towards a healthier me.  Since I can't work out right now I find that I actually miss it.  I'm looking forward to working out again after this baby is born.

Food is a much more challenging issue for me.  I love to eat!  I am focusing now on adding fruits and vegetables into our daily lives.  I don't think you need to restrict yourself or cut out carbs or only eat meats or whatever other fad diets people go on.  I think diet is a bad word.  I think you have to learn to eat real foods and cut out processed foods.

Does my daughter know what a McDonald's Happy Meal is?  Unfortunately yes.  Does she ask for them?  No.  I used to never eat fast food and I am hoping to get to that point again.  I want to eat real food.

Let's take this challenge together.  Share in the comments section either here or on Facebook what your health goals are.  Let's get healthy together!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Adjusting to Military Life

A good friend of mine has become seriously involved with a sailor over the past year.  She lives in Florida and he's stationed in VA.  My husband is also in the military and we also lived apart when we first met. 

If you didn't grow up as a military child then adjusting to military life can be difficult as my friend is discovering.  I went through it, too.  It's different from civilian life in almost every way and it can be frustrating trying to adjust your civilian beliefs to fit the beliefs and mores of military life. 

Although in some ways the life of a soldier is similar to the life of a civil servant or high powered business man (they both may work long hours or weird shifts, have to travel for work, etc).  Your spouse is told when and where to travel (or TDY) for work, when and where to move, how to dress, and who to be friends with (no fraternization between officers and enlisted).  And lucky you gets dragged along for the ride. 

There are still times when I get frustrated by my husband's job, usually when he's forced to work late or on weekends.  In order to adjust to military life you have to adjust your mindset.  If you try to hold on to the way things were in your old life then you'll spend your life as a military spouse feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.  Let go of your old beliefs.  Realize that the reason you get a medal when your spouse retires is because you have also sacrificed.  Be proud of the part you play.  Be proud of your spouse!

Here are some tips that may help:

1)  Life is an adventure and being in the military may be one of the biggest adventures at all!  I embrace moving every 3 years.  I love meeting new people, seeing new places, experiencing different things.  Of course the fact that the military will pack your stuff up, move it, and unpack it is an added bonus!

2)  My child will be resilient because of her life in the military.  She will learn to make new friends, adjust, be self sufficient, learn to let go. 

3)  Saying goodbye is a part of life.  Learning to say goodbye with grace and dignity will serve you well.  And while it's hard, the flip side is as you say goodbye to friends and family in one location, you are also saying hello to new friends and military family in your new location. 

4)  It's okay to cry.  Change is hard.  If it wasn't easy then we wouldn't grow through it.  Give yourself permission to cry as needed, but don't spend your days crying.  When I need a cry I usually put a time limit on it (5 or 10 minutes) so that I don't spend the day wallowing in self pity.  When your crying time is up, force yourself to get up and get moving. 

5)  Military life is hard.  It will make or break your relationship.  In the first 2 years of marriage my husband and I moved twice, had a miscarriage, had a baby, and he deployed.  Holy stress!  But every stage of life comes with its own unique challenges.  We choose to embrace chaos.  To try to fight against it is madness.  You can't control the things that happen around you, but you can control how you react to those situations. 

Life is too short to live negatively.  Enjoy the blessings you've been given and the friends you make along the way!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

An Excercise for Managing Anxiety

We've all experienced anxiety in some form.  The racing heart, the fast breathing, a sense of being extremely overwhelmed by the situation, restlessness...anxiety can come in many forms.  There are things you can learn to help you manage anxiety before it starts and there are things you can learn to help you calm down when you're feeling anxious. 

One of my favorite techniques is also one of the simplest.  When I am feeling anxious I make lists.  My anxiety usually comes at night and usually has to do with some imagined tragedy involving my children.  Instead of laying in bed with my heart racing I pick a topic (vegetables, a specific color, things that have to do with summer, food...any topic you want) and I go through the alphabet listing something related to that topic for each letter. 

For example, let's say your topic is food. 

Apples
Bananas
Crepes
Deviled eggs
Eggs
Etc.

You keep listing until you get to Z.  And if you're still feeling anxious then you start over at A.  I find that, for myself, usually by the middle of the alphabet my mind has relaxed, my breathing has slowed, and I have calmed down.  If not, I pick another topic and keep going.  The beauty of this exercise is that it forces your mind to think of something other than what you are feeling anxious about and you can do it anywhere.

What's your favorite technique for dealing with anxiety?

Monday, February 4, 2013

Guided Meditation for Stress Management

Stress and anxiety all too often seem to be an accepted part of our daily lives.  We rush around, trying to fit in time for family and friends, and the whole time we are thinking about work or what we need to do tomorrow or next week or next month.  It's hard to live in the present, to be focused on this moment.  I am always amazed when I go out to dinner how many families I see who are sitting together at dinner and yet are all focused on their iPhones or iPads or video games.  What happened to spending time together as a family, to having a conversation over dinner, to enjoying the time you have with family and friends? 

You can learn to live in the moment.  You can become more present in your daily life instead of always looking ahead.  One way to do that is through guided meditation.  Many people when they hear the words meditation envision monks sitting around a room, in silence, without moving for hours at a time.  That's not reality for most of us.  The majority of people will find sitting still, in silence, for 5 minutes overwhelming at first.  That's okay.  Like anything in life meditation takes practice. 

Start with carving out 2 minutes of meditation time for yourself.  Slowly increase the amount of time over the course of a couple days or a week.  Although you may never find an hour a day to meditate, even spending 10-20 minutes daily or every other day will help you lower your stress and improve the quality of your life.

2 Minute Guided Meditation to Release Stress

Guided Meditations

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